thinking spot
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Thursday, February 28, 2013
Easy Reference: Bible Evils
“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
― Voltaire, Questions sur les Miracles à M. Claparede, Professeur de Théologie à Genève, par un Proposant: Ou Extrait de Diverses Lettres de M. de Voltaire
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1) God's Silly Murders
"Kill People Who Don't Listen to Priests
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the
judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death.
Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
Kill Witches
You should not let a
sorceress live. (Exodus 22:17 NAB)
Kill Homosexuals
"If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to
death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives."
(Leviticus 20:13 NAB)
Kill Fortunetellers
A man or a woman who acts as a medium or
fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves
to blame for their death. (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)
Death for Hitting Dad
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to
death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
Death
for Cursing Parents
1) If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming
of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)
2) All who curse their father or mother must be put
to death. They are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)
Death for Adultery
If a man commits adultery with another man's wife,
both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)
Death for Fornication
A priest's daughter who loses her honor by
committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to
death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)
Death to Followers of Other Religions
Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord
alone, shall be doomed. (Exodus 22:19 NAB)
Kill Nonbelievers
They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the
God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not
seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or
great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)
Kill False
Prophets
If a man still prophesies,
his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because
you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord." When he prophesies, his
parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through.
(Zechariah 13:3 NAB)
Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God
Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your
God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow
citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you
must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that
such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and
completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you
must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the
entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town
must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder
that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his
fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make
you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your
God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving
you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)
Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins
On Their Wedding Night
But if this charge is true (that she wasn't a
virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not
found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there
her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against
Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house. Thus shall you purge the evil
from your midst. (Deuteronomy 22:20-21 NAB)
Kill Followers of Other Religions.
1) If your own full brother, or your son or
daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to
serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other
nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do
not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or
shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the
rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death,
because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you
out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of
this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst.
(Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)
2) Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your
towns that the LORD your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the
LORD your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by
worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have
strictly forbidden. When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly.
If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man
or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy
17:2-5 NLT)
Death for Blasphemy
One day a man who had an Israelite mother and an
Egyptian father got into a fight with one of the Israelite men. During the
fight, this son of an Israelite woman blasphemed the LORD's name. So the man
was brought to Moses for judgment. His mother's name was Shelomith. She was the
daughter of Dibri of the tribe of Dan. They put the man in custody until the
LORD's will in the matter should become clear. Then the LORD said to Moses,
"Take the blasphemer outside the camp, and tell all those who heard him to lay
their hands on his head. Then let the entire community stone him to death. Say
to the people of Israel: Those who blaspheme God will suffer the consequences of
their guilt and be punished. Anyone who blasphemes the LORD's name must be
stoned to death by the whole community of Israel. Any Israelite or foreigner
among you who blasphemes the LORD's name will surely die. (Leviticus
24:10-16 NLT)
Kill False Prophets
1) Suppose there are prophets among you, or those
who have dreams about the future, and they promise you signs or miracles, and
the predicted signs or miracles take place. If the prophets then say, 'Come,
let us worship the gods of foreign nations,' do not listen to them. The LORD
your God is testing you to see if you love him with all your heart and soul.
Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to
his voice, and cling to him. The false prophets or dreamers who try to lead you
astray must be put to death, for they encourage rebellion against the LORD your
God, who brought you out of slavery in the land of Egypt. Since they try to
keep you from following the LORD your God, you must execute them to remove the
evil from among you.
(Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT)
2) But any prophet who
claims to give a message from another god or who falsely claims to speak for me
must die.' You may wonder, 'How will we know whether the prophecy is from the
LORD or not?' If the prophet predicts something in the LORD's name and it does
not happen, the LORD did not give the message. That prophet has spoken on his
own and need not be feared.
(Deuteronomy 18:20-22 NLT)
Infidels and Gays Should Die
So God let them go ahead
and do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did
vile and degrading things with each other's bodies. Instead of believing what
they knew was the truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies. So
they worshiped the things God made but not the Creator himself, who is to be
praised forever. Amen. That is why God abandoned them to their shameful
desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead
indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual
relationships with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful
things with other men and, as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty
they so richly deserved. When they refused to acknowledge God, he abandoned
them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done.
Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy,
murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are
backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever
inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse
to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving. They
are fully aware of God's death penalty for those who do these things, yet they
go right ahead and do them anyway. And, worse yet, they encourage others to do
them, too. (Romans 1:24-32 NLT)
Kill Anyone
who Approaches the Tabernacle
For the LORD had said to
Moses, 'Exempt the tribe of Levi from the census; do not include them when you
count the rest of the Israelites. You must put the Levites in charge of the
Tabernacle of the Covenant, along with its furnishings and equipment. They must
carry the Tabernacle and its equipment as you travel, and they must care for it
and camp around it. Whenever the Tabernacle is moved, the Levites will take it
down and set it up again. Anyone else who goes too near the Tabernacle will be
executed.' (Numbers 1:48-51 NLT)
Kill People for Working on the Sabbath
The LORD then gave these
further instructions to Moses: 'Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath
day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever. It
helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Yes, keep the
Sabbath day, for it is holy. Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who
works on that day will be cut off from the community. Work six days only, but
the seventh day must be a day of total rest. I repeat: Because the LORD
considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.'
(Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)
2) God's Murders for Stupid Reasons:
Kill Brats
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was
on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up
baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and
he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods
and tore forty two of the children to pieces. (2 Kings 2:23-24 NAB)
God Kills the Curious
And he smote of the men of Beth-shemesh, because
they had looked into the ark of Jehovah, he smote of the people seventy men,
`and' fifty thousand men; and the people mourned, because Jehovah had smitten
the people with a great slaughter. And the men of Beth-shemesh said, Who is
able to stand before Jehovah, this holy God? and to whom shall he go up from us?
(1Samuel 6:19-20 ASV)
Killed by a
Lion
Meanwhile, the LORD
instructed one of the group of prophets to say to another man, "Strike me!" But
the man refused to strike the prophet. Then the prophet told him, "Because you
have not obeyed the voice of the LORD, a lion will kill you as soon as you leave
me." And sure enough, when he had gone, a lion attacked and killed him. (1
Kings 20:35-36 NLT)
Killing the Good Samaritan
The ark of God was placed on a new cart and taken
away from the house of Abinadab on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, sons of Abinadab
guided the cart, with Ahio walking before it, while David and all the Israelites
made merry before the Lord with all their strength, with singing and with
citharas, harps, tambourines, sistrums, and cymbals.
When they came to the threshing floor of Nodan,
Uzzah reached out his hand to the ark of God to steady it, for the oxen were
making it tip. But the Lord was angry with Uzzah; God struck him on that spot,
and he died there before God. (2 Samuel 6:3-7 NAB)
3) Murdering Children
Kill Sons of Sinners
Make ready to slaughter his sons for the guilt of
their fathers; Lest they rise and posses the earth, and fill the breadth of the
world with tyrants. (Isaiah 14:21 NAB)
God Will Kill Children
The glory of Israel will fly away like a bird, for
your children will die at birth or perish in the womb or never even be
conceived. Even if your children do survive to grow up, I will take them from
you. It will be a terrible day when I turn away and leave you alone. I have
watched Israel become as beautiful and pleasant as Tyre. But now Israel will
bring out her children to be slaughtered." O LORD, what should I request for
your people? I will ask for wombs that don't give birth and breasts that give
no milk. The LORD says, "All their wickedness began at Gilgal; there I began to
hate them. I will drive them from my land because of their evil actions. I
will love them no more because all their leaders are rebels. The people of
Israel are stricken. Their roots are dried up; they will bear no more fruit.
And if they give birth, I will slaughter their beloved children."
(Hosea 9:11-16 NLT)
Kill Men, Women, and Children
"Then I heard the LORD say to the other men, "Follow
him through the city and kill everyone whose forehead is not marked. Show no
mercy; have no pity! Kill them all – old and young, girls and women and little
children. But do not touch anyone with the mark. Begin your task right here at
the Temple." So they began by killing the seventy leaders. "Defile the
Temple!" the LORD commanded. "Fill its courtyards with the bodies of those you
kill! Go!" So they went throughout the city and did as they were told." (Ezekiel
9:5-7 NLT)
God Kills all the First Born of Egypt
And at midnight the LORD killed all the firstborn
sons in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sat on the
throne, to the firstborn son of the captive in the dungeon. Even the firstborn
of their livestock were killed. Pharaoh and his officials and all the people of
Egypt woke up during the night, and loud wailing was heard throughout the land
of Egypt. There was not a single house where someone had not died. (Exodus
12:29-30 NLT)
Kill Old Men and Young Women
"You are my battle-ax and sword," says the LORD.
"With you I will shatter nations and destroy many kingdoms. With you I will
shatter armies, destroying the horse and rider, the chariot and charioteer.
With you I will shatter men and women, old people and children, young men and
maidens. With you I will shatter shepherds and flocks, farmers and oxen,
captains and rulers. "As you watch, I will repay Babylon and the people of
Babylonia for all the wrong they have done to my people in Jerusalem," says the
LORD. "Look, O mighty mountain, destroyer of the earth! I am your enemy," says
the LORD. "I will raise my fist against you, to roll you down from the heights.
When I am finished, you will be nothing but a heap of rubble. You will be
desolate forever. Even your stones will never again be used for building. You
will be completely wiped out," says the LORD. (Jeremiah 51:20-26)
(Note that after God promises the
Israelites a victory against Babylon, the Israelites actually get their butts
kicked by them in the next chapter. So much for an all-knowing and all-powerful
God.)
God Will Kill
the Children of Sinners
If even then you remain
hostile toward me and refuse to obey, I will inflict you with seven more
disasters for your sins. I will release wild animals that will kill your
children and destroy your cattle, so your numbers will dwindle and your roads
will be deserted. (Leviticus
26:21-22 NLT)
More Rape and Baby Killing
Anyone who is captured will be run through with a
sword. Their little children will be dashed to death right before their eyes.
Their homes will be sacked and their wives raped by the attacking hordes. For I
will stir up the Medes against Babylon, and no amount of silver or gold will buy
them off. The attacking armies will shoot down the young people with arrows.
They will have no mercy on helpless babies and will show no compassion for the
children. (Isaiah 13:15-18 NLT)
Apologetics Response
"“I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt
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Please watch this video before you read this, if you can, just so you understand the points I'm addressing in this post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orbnwkyZ2f0&feature=youtu.be
Video Response
First, I will tell you I've read your text book, so I've got a good idea of what it's telling you to be "true" and not so.
The title makes me giggle.
One thing I addressed in a blog recently was the fact that christianity, islam, and hinduism are the three major world religions. Thus, for them to claim persecution or fear of talking about their faith is simply either personal choice not to discuss it with others, or they are lying. These groups are given so much leeway in the law and in everyday life that they don't fear putting stickers on their minivans nor wearing "Soldier of God" t-shirts.
I appreciate your viewpoint as to evangelizing and have no interest in discouraging your interests; what I will say is, my fundamentalist Christian father was approached on the street by another Christian evangelizing and it angered him. His comment, which I do agree with, was "I'm glad you found Christ, sir, and I'm glad he makes a difference in your life. He makes a difference in mine too. However, I know I would appreciate not being approached by strangers to discuss what should remain a personal matter to each person. Be well."
Again, simply showing another viewpoint, but I'm not trying to change you.
Religion should, in my opinion, be private, and mean its own thing to each person. This moves into your point about "we all must believe something" and how we go about choosing religion.
Here is where I'm going to school you a bit on atheism and agnosticism, as you don't get these viewpoints from your texts.
Atheism comes from the greek word "atheos" which, broken down, means this (and only this):
a=without
theos=belief in gods
It does NOT mean atheists are nihilists by default (some are but not because of atheism), nor that we have no morals or guiding principles to live by.
It does NOT mean we don't understand the principles of truth and falsehood. It does NOT mean many of us were never church-goers (many of the most militant atheists are formerly religious, and most atheists in general have spent time reading the holy books--we are trying to understand how these things can be believed, and what people are professing to believe in--often without their knowing it).
It also does NOT, in any way, state "i believe in nothing", "i can't believe because nothing is defined", nor that truth is a relativity preventing us from believing.
Atheists believe in many things, but most of us require proof of some sort to believe the utterly unbelievable claims of the bible/quran/torah/etc...this is not yet something that has been shown to exist.
Atheists in the main also believe that we were created by forces such as the Big Bang, Nebula Theory, Gravity, and other forces and energy in space, which eventually led to water forming, single cells multiplying, evolution taking the lead via genetics/DNA/RNA/MtDNA, and after a few extinction events, humans evolving through natural selection. This is NOT "we were created from nothing"--this is "we were created from things that are so spectacular they deserve credit, not something that wasn't a part of it."
Agnosticism is somewhat different because their point of view is:
I can't know for sure that nothing exists, but I don't believe that it does.
There are many agnostic atheists I could point you to who would happily and kindly explain this viewpoint better than I am able, but essentially the agnostic admits that they have no way of knowing for certain whether any gods exist, but again, having no proof of their existence (proof is a key aspect of any debate such as this...facts from non-believers tend to come from sources anyone can find, whereas believers tend to use their holy books, which is circular...but I digress) they think it is likely that gods do not exist.
Agnostics are less certain than atheists regarding existence, but this has nothing to do with the relativity of truth.
I won't get into pantheism, but it's a little different than your understanding--it's more of a reverence for life.
People don't want to choose religion for many reasons. Often, people are spiritual and have a relationship with some kind of higher power but don't like the structure. Others simply don't agree with the teachings of their church/temple/etc. Many atheists are turned off by the heavy misogyny, homophobia, pedophilia, violence, and utter lack of humanity "god" shows throughout the holy books. People have a right to be skeptical when they are handed a book, told it's the only way to live correctly, and asked for money while being told how NOT to burn in hell.
One does not have to have religion to have morals, after all. Nor does one have to be weak not to have religion. At the end of the day, knowing you live your life without an invisible dictator telling you what to do to avoid punishment is NOT weak, nor does it require a belief system of an organized fashion.
Truth is absolutely relative. There are facts, which are provable truths, and there are scientific theories, which are also provable truths; there are also the Ten Commandments, which are taken as truths but in reality are not facts. They are not provable.
Truths are different for different people because in this life, the only absolutes are death and taxes...and many religious would take umbrage with the death part. People are different, from different places, with different ideas, parents, social settings, teachings, etc. To expect one great truth to emerge is simply wishful thinking.
An example: for you, god is the truth. For myself, god is a false deity created by man. Are both statements true? They are both true opinions. They are not facts, they are relative to the lives we live, and cannot be taken as absolutes because times change, as you noted, and so do people.
You gave the example of gravity. Did gravity exist before Newton "saw" it in action? Yes. That is a truth, because it is a provable fact. You stated that people used to believe in the theory of a flat earth. They were certain this was true, and many died because of it. Was it true in the end? No. But for hundreds of years, it was--even today, some people believe the earth is flat (I'm serious, you can google this). My point? Truth is relative. It's relative to who, where, what, why, and how a person lives, eats, drinks, thinks, learns, speaks, etc.
Views about the world changed before, so why can't they change again? This is a key element of society.
To get back to truth, you stated it is "precise or absolute" or "it creates a lie or falsity." This is a fallacy, for as I have shown, truth is relative. Truths change, and they do counteract themselves. This is not a lie being righted, it's simply a change in the thought process.
Your example of the elephant parable here, however, was a good choice to show how relative truths actually are and how they may be true only until the facts are revealed. It was also well told.
While it is definitely true we cannot comprehend every fact given to us, atheism allows for this in that we are trying to comprehend these facts, not relative human truths. The choices we make as to what we will learn or be taught do, indeed, make us ignorant to any alternate ideas.
If no one can know the whole truth, then how can truth itself possibly be "true for everyone, at all times, in all situations"? How can you possibly say that what is true for you in one situation (for example, the guy who told me I shouldn't volunteer because I'm atheist, whom you agreed with) MUST be true for me as well? It clearly isn't, nor can it be. We are two different people. Facts are true and provable. Truth is simply the way one looks at the world.
I'll pass by your assertion that truth builds toward faith, because the "evidence" part hasn't been factually proven.
Doubting religion and disbelieving that it is the truth (that the truth doesn't exist)is absolutely not false, nor is it self-defeating. It is honest. If you never question yourself, you can't know yourself. If you don't question the status quo, you wind up in servitude. To state that doubt is self-defeating assumes that there is only one answer to be had, and we both know that isn't true.
I'm not really certain why you chose to use John 18:37-38 as an example as it didn't really fit into the point you were making, but that's your choice.
To wrap up, you again stated "Truth must exist, if it exists any counteraction must be a lie."
I ask you, have you read through your bible and checked out the contradictions and half-truths held within it? Have you taken the time to learn about the times it was written--Nazareth, for example, wasn't a city until AFTER the birth of Jesus, there was no census, none of the gospels match, most of it was censored and changed...i could go on. The point is, how do you know YOUR truth is actually...true? And if it isn't, how can you posit that any denial of YOUR personal truth is a falsehood?
Please watch this video before you read this, if you can, just so you understand the points I'm addressing in this post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orbnwkyZ2f0&feature=youtu.be
Video Response
First, I will tell you I've read your text book, so I've got a good idea of what it's telling you to be "true" and not so.
The title makes me giggle.
One thing I addressed in a blog recently was the fact that christianity, islam, and hinduism are the three major world religions. Thus, for them to claim persecution or fear of talking about their faith is simply either personal choice not to discuss it with others, or they are lying. These groups are given so much leeway in the law and in everyday life that they don't fear putting stickers on their minivans nor wearing "Soldier of God" t-shirts.
I appreciate your viewpoint as to evangelizing and have no interest in discouraging your interests; what I will say is, my fundamentalist Christian father was approached on the street by another Christian evangelizing and it angered him. His comment, which I do agree with, was "I'm glad you found Christ, sir, and I'm glad he makes a difference in your life. He makes a difference in mine too. However, I know I would appreciate not being approached by strangers to discuss what should remain a personal matter to each person. Be well."
Again, simply showing another viewpoint, but I'm not trying to change you.
Religion should, in my opinion, be private, and mean its own thing to each person. This moves into your point about "we all must believe something" and how we go about choosing religion.
Here is where I'm going to school you a bit on atheism and agnosticism, as you don't get these viewpoints from your texts.
Atheism comes from the greek word "atheos" which, broken down, means this (and only this):
a=without
theos=belief in gods
It does NOT mean atheists are nihilists by default (some are but not because of atheism), nor that we have no morals or guiding principles to live by.
It does NOT mean we don't understand the principles of truth and falsehood. It does NOT mean many of us were never church-goers (many of the most militant atheists are formerly religious, and most atheists in general have spent time reading the holy books--we are trying to understand how these things can be believed, and what people are professing to believe in--often without their knowing it).
It also does NOT, in any way, state "i believe in nothing", "i can't believe because nothing is defined", nor that truth is a relativity preventing us from believing.
Atheists believe in many things, but most of us require proof of some sort to believe the utterly unbelievable claims of the bible/quran/torah/etc...this is not yet something that has been shown to exist.
Atheists in the main also believe that we were created by forces such as the Big Bang, Nebula Theory, Gravity, and other forces and energy in space, which eventually led to water forming, single cells multiplying, evolution taking the lead via genetics/DNA/RNA/MtDNA, and after a few extinction events, humans evolving through natural selection. This is NOT "we were created from nothing"--this is "we were created from things that are so spectacular they deserve credit, not something that wasn't a part of it."
Agnosticism is somewhat different because their point of view is:
I can't know for sure that nothing exists, but I don't believe that it does.
There are many agnostic atheists I could point you to who would happily and kindly explain this viewpoint better than I am able, but essentially the agnostic admits that they have no way of knowing for certain whether any gods exist, but again, having no proof of their existence (proof is a key aspect of any debate such as this...facts from non-believers tend to come from sources anyone can find, whereas believers tend to use their holy books, which is circular...but I digress) they think it is likely that gods do not exist.
Agnostics are less certain than atheists regarding existence, but this has nothing to do with the relativity of truth.
I won't get into pantheism, but it's a little different than your understanding--it's more of a reverence for life.
People don't want to choose religion for many reasons. Often, people are spiritual and have a relationship with some kind of higher power but don't like the structure. Others simply don't agree with the teachings of their church/temple/etc. Many atheists are turned off by the heavy misogyny, homophobia, pedophilia, violence, and utter lack of humanity "god" shows throughout the holy books. People have a right to be skeptical when they are handed a book, told it's the only way to live correctly, and asked for money while being told how NOT to burn in hell.
One does not have to have religion to have morals, after all. Nor does one have to be weak not to have religion. At the end of the day, knowing you live your life without an invisible dictator telling you what to do to avoid punishment is NOT weak, nor does it require a belief system of an organized fashion.
Truth is absolutely relative. There are facts, which are provable truths, and there are scientific theories, which are also provable truths; there are also the Ten Commandments, which are taken as truths but in reality are not facts. They are not provable.
Truths are different for different people because in this life, the only absolutes are death and taxes...and many religious would take umbrage with the death part. People are different, from different places, with different ideas, parents, social settings, teachings, etc. To expect one great truth to emerge is simply wishful thinking.
An example: for you, god is the truth. For myself, god is a false deity created by man. Are both statements true? They are both true opinions. They are not facts, they are relative to the lives we live, and cannot be taken as absolutes because times change, as you noted, and so do people.
You gave the example of gravity. Did gravity exist before Newton "saw" it in action? Yes. That is a truth, because it is a provable fact. You stated that people used to believe in the theory of a flat earth. They were certain this was true, and many died because of it. Was it true in the end? No. But for hundreds of years, it was--even today, some people believe the earth is flat (I'm serious, you can google this). My point? Truth is relative. It's relative to who, where, what, why, and how a person lives, eats, drinks, thinks, learns, speaks, etc.
Views about the world changed before, so why can't they change again? This is a key element of society.
To get back to truth, you stated it is "precise or absolute" or "it creates a lie or falsity." This is a fallacy, for as I have shown, truth is relative. Truths change, and they do counteract themselves. This is not a lie being righted, it's simply a change in the thought process.
Your example of the elephant parable here, however, was a good choice to show how relative truths actually are and how they may be true only until the facts are revealed. It was also well told.
While it is definitely true we cannot comprehend every fact given to us, atheism allows for this in that we are trying to comprehend these facts, not relative human truths. The choices we make as to what we will learn or be taught do, indeed, make us ignorant to any alternate ideas.
If no one can know the whole truth, then how can truth itself possibly be "true for everyone, at all times, in all situations"? How can you possibly say that what is true for you in one situation (for example, the guy who told me I shouldn't volunteer because I'm atheist, whom you agreed with) MUST be true for me as well? It clearly isn't, nor can it be. We are two different people. Facts are true and provable. Truth is simply the way one looks at the world.
I'll pass by your assertion that truth builds toward faith, because the "evidence" part hasn't been factually proven.
Doubting religion and disbelieving that it is the truth (that the truth doesn't exist)is absolutely not false, nor is it self-defeating. It is honest. If you never question yourself, you can't know yourself. If you don't question the status quo, you wind up in servitude. To state that doubt is self-defeating assumes that there is only one answer to be had, and we both know that isn't true.
I'm not really certain why you chose to use John 18:37-38 as an example as it didn't really fit into the point you were making, but that's your choice.
To wrap up, you again stated "Truth must exist, if it exists any counteraction must be a lie."
I ask you, have you read through your bible and checked out the contradictions and half-truths held within it? Have you taken the time to learn about the times it was written--Nazareth, for example, wasn't a city until AFTER the birth of Jesus, there was no census, none of the gospels match, most of it was censored and changed...i could go on. The point is, how do you know YOUR truth is actually...true? And if it isn't, how can you posit that any denial of YOUR personal truth is a falsehood?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Loud Atheism
"We are star stuff." ~Carl Sagan
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Lately I've been seeing a lot of the same bullshit, written in different ways, from the religious community AND from other atheists.
"Don't disrespect my beliefs"
"Believe what you want but shut up about it"
"Some atheists just don't know how to be respectful"
"I don't care what you do, just don't disrespect my religion"
"Atheism is a religion"
"Atheists MUST believe in god since they talk about it so much"
"You can think what you want, but..."
and it goes on and on.
The noted author/speaker Sherman Alexie, who I've always had great respect for, lost some of it when he recently tweeted "I choose not to call myself atheist because of the proselytizing."
I'll address Alexie shortly.
To get directly to the point of it, it seems that the ability for atheists to form communities, to find like minds, and to spread their ideas to the general public is causing the religious panties to bunch.
The religious are not generally known for their enjoyment of differing viewpoints, but when you toss an atheist in the mix they seem either completely confused, totally ignorant, or stupidly violent.
The problem? Atheists finally have a forum to voice their points of view, after centuries of oppression and murder. Atheists don't have to worry about being stoned to death these days, and atheism is growing steadily in the wake of the aging baby boomer population, the decline of the republican party in many ways, and that information previously unavailable is now all over the internet for people to learn from.
When someone tells you not to disrespect their beliefs, often what they are really saying is "stop questioning my worldview." People can only feel their beliefs are disrespected by contrary information if that information is in some way personally inflammatory; otherwise, it's usually the fear that comes along with the unknown.
Humans don't like change.
When someone tells you "you can believe what you want, but..." what they are really saying is "you can believe something else as long as you don't ever talk to me about it or assert that you're correct." People will cling to their indoctrinations like lifeboats, because that's all they know and all they're interested in knowing. Any time there's a "but" involved, it's the same as when someone says:
"Free will was given to us."
Sigh.
Moving on, to be told, after centuries of persecution, hate, murder, torture, and other religious AND secular oppression, that atheists need to be quiet, stop "proselytizing" or "persecuting" religions is abhorrently ridiculous.
Oppression will NEVER stop unless people are VOCAL about it stopping. One cannot live freely in a society that keeps them quiet to maintain the status quo. One cannot live freely when they are told, at every turn, that their lives are incomplete because they don't bow to the mainstream. One cannot live freely when they are constantly told they are going to burn in fiery pits or be stoned to death or beheaded for their beliefs. To have people from the top 3 religions in the world claim that atheists are PERSECUTING them is, on face, absurd. How on earth are we persecuting the very groups which have oppressed us and continue to try doing so for centuries?
We're not. We're just finally getting loud about it.
To address Mr. Alexie's comment, I don't know what he calls himself when it comes to religion. He's a native american, but I don't know him well enough to say what his personal beliefs are. My issue comes with the "proselytizing" part.
I have to see bible verses on cars, billboards, twitter, facebook, and church signs daily. I have to listen to people tell me how my life can't be moral because I don't believe in gods. I have to explain to people that atheism is simply this:
a=without
theos=belief in gods
It is not a religion, there is no dogma, we don't agree with each other on many things, and we do NOT believe in "god" because we talk about it with the religious--we believe that the religious believe in a god.
I have to deal with people like Joel Osteen & Deepak Chopra, not to mention the televangelists; I won't even get started on the fundamentalists that prowl around with flags and Pro-life signs with Jesus holding dead fetal tissue (seen just yesterday). I drive past the hundreds of churches, mosques, temples, etc on a daily basis, all of which attempt to draw you in with either fear or promises of chocolate eggs if you put ashes on your head for a day.
My point is, how is it that WE proselytize, yet have no religion we wish to convert people to? How is trying to explain a point of view not well understood to the indoctrinated anything but a wish to be seen as equal human beings?
I'm sure there are atheists somewhere going "shit yeah, let's take another one away from christ or allah or whatever" but I have yet to see them. The atheists I know are just sick and tired of life being explained by magic dictators, mystical animals, and other ridiculous, unprovable nonsense. Do we sometimes get annoyed? Sure. However, I've yet to see an atheist condemn another to...er, nothingness after dying. For most of us, we want to be understood and recognized as a legitimate group within society.
To address a few other things I've seen, quickly:
Atheists are capable of morals because morals are inherent AND societally taught;
This country was NOT founded on christianity, nor were its founders mostly christian
Hitler was not a fucking atheist, holy shit.
Atheists celebrate holidays for the same reasons you do: presents and family.
Einstein was NOT fucking religious. STOP THAT.
There are atheists in foxholes, on planes going down, and on their deathbeds.
Atheists laugh out loud when you tell us we're going to hell.
There are many more, but these I've seen most recently.
I suppose I'll end this rant here, for the moment. This issue is dear to me, so I reserve the right to edit in the future.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lately I've been seeing a lot of the same bullshit, written in different ways, from the religious community AND from other atheists.
"Don't disrespect my beliefs"
"Believe what you want but shut up about it"
"Some atheists just don't know how to be respectful"
"I don't care what you do, just don't disrespect my religion"
"Atheism is a religion"
"Atheists MUST believe in god since they talk about it so much"
"You can think what you want, but..."
and it goes on and on.
The noted author/speaker Sherman Alexie, who I've always had great respect for, lost some of it when he recently tweeted "I choose not to call myself atheist because of the proselytizing."
I'll address Alexie shortly.
To get directly to the point of it, it seems that the ability for atheists to form communities, to find like minds, and to spread their ideas to the general public is causing the religious panties to bunch.
The religious are not generally known for their enjoyment of differing viewpoints, but when you toss an atheist in the mix they seem either completely confused, totally ignorant, or stupidly violent.
The problem? Atheists finally have a forum to voice their points of view, after centuries of oppression and murder. Atheists don't have to worry about being stoned to death these days, and atheism is growing steadily in the wake of the aging baby boomer population, the decline of the republican party in many ways, and that information previously unavailable is now all over the internet for people to learn from.
When someone tells you not to disrespect their beliefs, often what they are really saying is "stop questioning my worldview." People can only feel their beliefs are disrespected by contrary information if that information is in some way personally inflammatory; otherwise, it's usually the fear that comes along with the unknown.
Humans don't like change.
When someone tells you "you can believe what you want, but..." what they are really saying is "you can believe something else as long as you don't ever talk to me about it or assert that you're correct." People will cling to their indoctrinations like lifeboats, because that's all they know and all they're interested in knowing. Any time there's a "but" involved, it's the same as when someone says:
"Free will was given to us."
Sigh.
Moving on, to be told, after centuries of persecution, hate, murder, torture, and other religious AND secular oppression, that atheists need to be quiet, stop "proselytizing" or "persecuting" religions is abhorrently ridiculous.
Oppression will NEVER stop unless people are VOCAL about it stopping. One cannot live freely in a society that keeps them quiet to maintain the status quo. One cannot live freely when they are told, at every turn, that their lives are incomplete because they don't bow to the mainstream. One cannot live freely when they are constantly told they are going to burn in fiery pits or be stoned to death or beheaded for their beliefs. To have people from the top 3 religions in the world claim that atheists are PERSECUTING them is, on face, absurd. How on earth are we persecuting the very groups which have oppressed us and continue to try doing so for centuries?
We're not. We're just finally getting loud about it.
To address Mr. Alexie's comment, I don't know what he calls himself when it comes to religion. He's a native american, but I don't know him well enough to say what his personal beliefs are. My issue comes with the "proselytizing" part.
I have to see bible verses on cars, billboards, twitter, facebook, and church signs daily. I have to listen to people tell me how my life can't be moral because I don't believe in gods. I have to explain to people that atheism is simply this:
a=without
theos=belief in gods
It is not a religion, there is no dogma, we don't agree with each other on many things, and we do NOT believe in "god" because we talk about it with the religious--we believe that the religious believe in a god.
I have to deal with people like Joel Osteen & Deepak Chopra, not to mention the televangelists; I won't even get started on the fundamentalists that prowl around with flags and Pro-life signs with Jesus holding dead fetal tissue (seen just yesterday). I drive past the hundreds of churches, mosques, temples, etc on a daily basis, all of which attempt to draw you in with either fear or promises of chocolate eggs if you put ashes on your head for a day.
My point is, how is it that WE proselytize, yet have no religion we wish to convert people to? How is trying to explain a point of view not well understood to the indoctrinated anything but a wish to be seen as equal human beings?
I'm sure there are atheists somewhere going "shit yeah, let's take another one away from christ or allah or whatever" but I have yet to see them. The atheists I know are just sick and tired of life being explained by magic dictators, mystical animals, and other ridiculous, unprovable nonsense. Do we sometimes get annoyed? Sure. However, I've yet to see an atheist condemn another to...er, nothingness after dying. For most of us, we want to be understood and recognized as a legitimate group within society.
To address a few other things I've seen, quickly:
Atheists are capable of morals because morals are inherent AND societally taught;
This country was NOT founded on christianity, nor were its founders mostly christian
Hitler was not a fucking atheist, holy shit.
Atheists celebrate holidays for the same reasons you do: presents and family.
Einstein was NOT fucking religious. STOP THAT.
There are atheists in foxholes, on planes going down, and on their deathbeds.
Atheists laugh out loud when you tell us we're going to hell.
There are many more, but these I've seen most recently.
I suppose I'll end this rant here, for the moment. This issue is dear to me, so I reserve the right to edit in the future.
Friend...ships passing by in the night
"I was never the girl next door." ~Mae West
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Lately, I've had to do some heavy thinking about friends.
I've always been one of those people who makes friends easily, and am generally a very loyal friend, the sort willing to help out, listen, be there when you need me...or just want to laugh.
I also expect this in return.
This is where the problem comes in.
I'm often too accepting of people who are hugely damaged in one way or another, leaving them with sociopathy, manipulation, and the impetus to use those they claim to hold dear. I like to think that, as I am not perfect, they shouldn't be held to that standard either...that everyone needs someone to care about them, including myself, and that even though people change, the core being of who they are doesn't.
I like to think these things because I know they're bullshit, and ruminating on it makes me feel less like a fool for letting them in.
I'm someone who knows a ton of people, but whom little is actually known about. Most of the people who I've called "friend" in the past are really just hangers-on, folks who wanted to catch a ride on the train but had no clue where it was going. People who thought, "well she has money, weed, a car, a job, other friends, other drugs, etc...and I want some."
People who thought "maybe, if i stay friends with her, she'll fuck me...even though it's been five years and she's constantly told me we're just friends and that's all we'll ever be..."
These people are a lot of fun for a little while, sure, but in the end I don't really know who they are outside of the facade they present, and they have no idea who I am because they never took the time to actually find out and accept it...they may have argued with me about the person I am, but to them, I'm just someone they can call when they need something...and when I don't or can't or won't help them out, for whatever reason, they toss me aside and assume the well has run dry.
The worst ones are the ones who are friends with people who have hurt me violently and hatefully. They don't understand my point of view on this, and assume that I should "get over it" because they defend the other person's actions over mine, regardless of the disgusting nature.
This original group of friends has been slowly coming back into contact with me, and I have zero interest in them. Why? They're all still friends with my ex, the uber-abusive rapist, or the guy who's been stalking me for several months. Their rationale? Somewhere between "well we tried to warn you" and "well he hasn't done anything to me, you attract those types of people."
My comment being, if you KNOW he's this type of person, why on earth would you remain friends with him for ANY reason? You know he's hurt other women before, you know he's hurt me, you know he'll do it again...and you don't care because...? Apparently, they don't care because it's my fault...you know, the way most victims are at fault for the actions of others.
I can't be friendly with anyone who passively condones actions like that, because it screams volumes about their actual nature...they don't care about ANYONE but themselves. Probably why they're able to be friends with each other--mutual narcissism.
Essentially, I ended up cutting out a huge number of people, or just letting them fade away.
I came to the realization that if I continued to allow these toxic people into my life, I'd never be able to move past them...and sometimes, that's exactly what one must do. I'm moving forward, while these people are mired down in the bullshit lives they've created for themselves, all still gossiping about the same things, causing the same drama, refusing to actually grow as people.
The few remaining friends I've kept are a mix of people from my hippie crowd, my native american friends, and people who have known me since kindergarten. They are people who I can trust, who understand me and who I am, where I'm coming from, and where I want to go. They support what I do and what I'm trying to get done, and they're there for me as I am for them.
As for social networking, it has been immensely helpful finding like-minded folks to talk to as little or as much as I want, to joke with, be serious with, share anger, frustration, help, and happiness with, and generally be who I am without worry of judgment to carry. Do people lie online? Of course. But to be honest, I'd rather be lied to by someone I'm getting to know via a keyboard than someone I purportedly know well via their mouth.
People don't give me credit for the fact that my mother has a PhD in educational psychology, and you don't grow up with that shit without learning how to pick out a liar from 30 feet away. I get what your motives are, and why they are what they are, I just balance them with my own and decide how much it matters in the end.
Sadly for you, the end usually IS the end. I played games for long enough to realize they just kept pushing me past the one thing I wanted, and leaving me in the company of those unwanted manipulators.
Now if only I could wash away that halo of "haven" I seem to have.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lately, I've had to do some heavy thinking about friends.
I've always been one of those people who makes friends easily, and am generally a very loyal friend, the sort willing to help out, listen, be there when you need me...or just want to laugh.
I also expect this in return.
This is where the problem comes in.
I'm often too accepting of people who are hugely damaged in one way or another, leaving them with sociopathy, manipulation, and the impetus to use those they claim to hold dear. I like to think that, as I am not perfect, they shouldn't be held to that standard either...that everyone needs someone to care about them, including myself, and that even though people change, the core being of who they are doesn't.
I like to think these things because I know they're bullshit, and ruminating on it makes me feel less like a fool for letting them in.
I'm someone who knows a ton of people, but whom little is actually known about. Most of the people who I've called "friend" in the past are really just hangers-on, folks who wanted to catch a ride on the train but had no clue where it was going. People who thought, "well she has money, weed, a car, a job, other friends, other drugs, etc...and I want some."
People who thought "maybe, if i stay friends with her, she'll fuck me...even though it's been five years and she's constantly told me we're just friends and that's all we'll ever be..."
These people are a lot of fun for a little while, sure, but in the end I don't really know who they are outside of the facade they present, and they have no idea who I am because they never took the time to actually find out and accept it...they may have argued with me about the person I am, but to them, I'm just someone they can call when they need something...and when I don't or can't or won't help them out, for whatever reason, they toss me aside and assume the well has run dry.
The worst ones are the ones who are friends with people who have hurt me violently and hatefully. They don't understand my point of view on this, and assume that I should "get over it" because they defend the other person's actions over mine, regardless of the disgusting nature.
This original group of friends has been slowly coming back into contact with me, and I have zero interest in them. Why? They're all still friends with my ex, the uber-abusive rapist, or the guy who's been stalking me for several months. Their rationale? Somewhere between "well we tried to warn you" and "well he hasn't done anything to me, you attract those types of people."
My comment being, if you KNOW he's this type of person, why on earth would you remain friends with him for ANY reason? You know he's hurt other women before, you know he's hurt me, you know he'll do it again...and you don't care because...? Apparently, they don't care because it's my fault...you know, the way most victims are at fault for the actions of others.
I can't be friendly with anyone who passively condones actions like that, because it screams volumes about their actual nature...they don't care about ANYONE but themselves. Probably why they're able to be friends with each other--mutual narcissism.
Essentially, I ended up cutting out a huge number of people, or just letting them fade away.
I came to the realization that if I continued to allow these toxic people into my life, I'd never be able to move past them...and sometimes, that's exactly what one must do. I'm moving forward, while these people are mired down in the bullshit lives they've created for themselves, all still gossiping about the same things, causing the same drama, refusing to actually grow as people.
The few remaining friends I've kept are a mix of people from my hippie crowd, my native american friends, and people who have known me since kindergarten. They are people who I can trust, who understand me and who I am, where I'm coming from, and where I want to go. They support what I do and what I'm trying to get done, and they're there for me as I am for them.
As for social networking, it has been immensely helpful finding like-minded folks to talk to as little or as much as I want, to joke with, be serious with, share anger, frustration, help, and happiness with, and generally be who I am without worry of judgment to carry. Do people lie online? Of course. But to be honest, I'd rather be lied to by someone I'm getting to know via a keyboard than someone I purportedly know well via their mouth.
People don't give me credit for the fact that my mother has a PhD in educational psychology, and you don't grow up with that shit without learning how to pick out a liar from 30 feet away. I get what your motives are, and why they are what they are, I just balance them with my own and decide how much it matters in the end.
Sadly for you, the end usually IS the end. I played games for long enough to realize they just kept pushing me past the one thing I wanted, and leaving me in the company of those unwanted manipulators.
Now if only I could wash away that halo of "haven" I seem to have.
Friday, February 22, 2013
silence
"Those we know best, to them we can say the least" ~John Ray
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Waking up to a silent house always throws me off, like I'm not really awake yet, but I can't quite push myself back into that delightful world of dreams.
Dreams are a bit of a confusion to me anyway, as I generally know I'm dreaming the entire time I'm asleep. When I wake up, I write down what I can remember--people, places, colors, animals, etc...known or unknown.
Often, I go back to the journals I have dreams written in, because often, my dreams just come true. 100% true, even when the people in my dreams are unknown to me at the time I dreamt it. I know there is a term for this, and I'm not going to bother looking it up, as I'm feeling lazy. I did a study regarding this phenomena not too long ago. I haven't seen the results yet.
More on this in later blogs.
Anyway, waking up from a particularly real dream to a wholly different reality, one cloaked in silence, is kind of like being rear-ended by a Hummer while driving a Prius.
That sounded filthy. Oh well.
In my house, though, silence never lasts long. I don't know how my cat does it, but he knows the exact moment I wake up every damn day, and pads his way over to my door, into my room, and sits his puffy ass down next to the bed. Then, generally, the various cat-as-infant noises begin.
Sometimes, though, he just sits and stares at me. I have no clue what he wants, but he stays quiet too.
Silence doesn't necessarily bother me, though. I often write my best in complete silence, the clicks of my keyboard being the only accompaniment. I tried all that classical music shit, but it distracts the hell out of me when I'm working or studying. Same with opera, and I adore both...just not while I'm busy.
Oddly enough, I find rap to be the easiest to ignore while writing, as well as the easiest to sing along with without thinking. Second to that would be trance/ambient electronica.
This is not an indictment of rap. I adore rap--or hiphop, as the industry calls it. It's just an observation. The repetetive beat and smooth flow of voice don't usually jar me out of my reverie, while the topics discussed can be ridiculous or serious. With trance/ambient music, it's much the same, minus the lyrics. It almost has to be a hum of slightly changing white noise in order to be ignored without ignoring it.
Silence is often welcome when I've got things weighing me down. I talk to myself (and my cat) all the time, working out problems, working out solutions, figuring out options and calming myself when upset. Silence is welcome during this time, as distractions from television or music can derail a train I desperately need to reach the station.
Unfortunately, I can't write my poetry or draw in silence. THAT silence brings too many variables, too many words, constructs, and broken thoughts...it disassembles things previously thought solid, leaving me with an empty core. This is not something I can live with. This is the type of writing I sustain myself with, and it has become eroded...an afterthought...aided by silence.
How did I let myself get to the point where prolonged writer's block became a never-ending blank page?
If I could answer that, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't change the fact that it's something else now.
I used to write prolifically, daily, constantly...same with my drawings...this was an extension of my being. It is still there, but largely handicapped, a victim of my constant battle with emotion. When I have too much, I shut down until it can be sorted out. When I don't have enough, I shut down until I find my passion again. Right now, I have way too much of both, and apparently have shut down entirely.
I suppose waking up to silence mirrors that feeling. It's like waking up to everything static--stuffed under my covers, I know that the breach of tossing them off and stepping onto the floor will require me to interact with what the day will bring. I'll have to brush my teeth, change my clothes, clean up after my cat, make some coffee, interact with people, work, go to class, study, answer the phone, check my email...it's all waiting for me, this world I must interact with, and all the noise that comes along with mundane life.
A life I don't really fit into.
A life I don't really have much interest in, beyond trying to help myself fit into.
The night before is always more of a comfort than the next morning.
I suppose that might be why silence in the morning (shades of Phish's Lawn Boy!) is so jarring...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waking up to a silent house always throws me off, like I'm not really awake yet, but I can't quite push myself back into that delightful world of dreams.
Dreams are a bit of a confusion to me anyway, as I generally know I'm dreaming the entire time I'm asleep. When I wake up, I write down what I can remember--people, places, colors, animals, etc...known or unknown.
Often, I go back to the journals I have dreams written in, because often, my dreams just come true. 100% true, even when the people in my dreams are unknown to me at the time I dreamt it. I know there is a term for this, and I'm not going to bother looking it up, as I'm feeling lazy. I did a study regarding this phenomena not too long ago. I haven't seen the results yet.
More on this in later blogs.
Anyway, waking up from a particularly real dream to a wholly different reality, one cloaked in silence, is kind of like being rear-ended by a Hummer while driving a Prius.
That sounded filthy. Oh well.
In my house, though, silence never lasts long. I don't know how my cat does it, but he knows the exact moment I wake up every damn day, and pads his way over to my door, into my room, and sits his puffy ass down next to the bed. Then, generally, the various cat-as-infant noises begin.
Sometimes, though, he just sits and stares at me. I have no clue what he wants, but he stays quiet too.
Silence doesn't necessarily bother me, though. I often write my best in complete silence, the clicks of my keyboard being the only accompaniment. I tried all that classical music shit, but it distracts the hell out of me when I'm working or studying. Same with opera, and I adore both...just not while I'm busy.
Oddly enough, I find rap to be the easiest to ignore while writing, as well as the easiest to sing along with without thinking. Second to that would be trance/ambient electronica.
This is not an indictment of rap. I adore rap--or hiphop, as the industry calls it. It's just an observation. The repetetive beat and smooth flow of voice don't usually jar me out of my reverie, while the topics discussed can be ridiculous or serious. With trance/ambient music, it's much the same, minus the lyrics. It almost has to be a hum of slightly changing white noise in order to be ignored without ignoring it.
Silence is often welcome when I've got things weighing me down. I talk to myself (and my cat) all the time, working out problems, working out solutions, figuring out options and calming myself when upset. Silence is welcome during this time, as distractions from television or music can derail a train I desperately need to reach the station.
Unfortunately, I can't write my poetry or draw in silence. THAT silence brings too many variables, too many words, constructs, and broken thoughts...it disassembles things previously thought solid, leaving me with an empty core. This is not something I can live with. This is the type of writing I sustain myself with, and it has become eroded...an afterthought...aided by silence.
How did I let myself get to the point where prolonged writer's block became a never-ending blank page?
If I could answer that, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't change the fact that it's something else now.
I used to write prolifically, daily, constantly...same with my drawings...this was an extension of my being. It is still there, but largely handicapped, a victim of my constant battle with emotion. When I have too much, I shut down until it can be sorted out. When I don't have enough, I shut down until I find my passion again. Right now, I have way too much of both, and apparently have shut down entirely.
I suppose waking up to silence mirrors that feeling. It's like waking up to everything static--stuffed under my covers, I know that the breach of tossing them off and stepping onto the floor will require me to interact with what the day will bring. I'll have to brush my teeth, change my clothes, clean up after my cat, make some coffee, interact with people, work, go to class, study, answer the phone, check my email...it's all waiting for me, this world I must interact with, and all the noise that comes along with mundane life.
A life I don't really fit into.
A life I don't really have much interest in, beyond trying to help myself fit into.
The night before is always more of a comfort than the next morning.
I suppose that might be why silence in the morning (shades of Phish's Lawn Boy!) is so jarring...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Pangs and Pains
"We think the same thing at the same time, but we can't do anything about it..." -Thom Yorke "Hawthorne Hill"
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There is another me. A doppelganger, if you will, but not in the evil sense. He is more the male version of me, a quiet love I never quite got around to being in. We never really spoke, just sort of read each other...in bed, in person, to others--others being the biggest obstacle of all.
With him, there were a million chances, a million words never spoken that needed to be, a million years together that condensed, somehow, into only a few 365's that slowly tapered into oblivion. We had no official end, no official friendship, no official feelings...but we were never officially anything.
I loved him. I still love him.
This is the problem.
On an unrelated note, I haven't been in a relationship in over a year. The last person I dated was a friend from college, whom I knew for 14 years prior to our dating. Unfortunately, over those years, he descended into a state of alcoholism nearly impossible to understand. He is a great person, but that person has been living in the shadow of his mistakes for so long, he's now swimming in an ocean of booze with no interest in finding land. Our breakup was quite difficult, in the sense that he really cared about me--and i him--but couldn't sustain a real relationship with anyone due to the alcohol.
Someone once said dating someone with an addiction issue is a full-time job. They weren't lying...and I'm not looking to fix anyone else's problems.
Not that time. He wasn't the first alcoholic I've ever dated.
I began to look for different friends, after that breakup. In the process of doing so, I found someone profoundly damaged...someone whose reality had split a long time ago. This person began stalking me about 5 months ago. It continues to this day...and he lives about 100 ft away from me. I have to constantly be on the lookout for my safety, and have to call the police every time he talks to me since the restraining order is of no use in physical confrontation.
Between these two people, I have had no sex in over a year either. I've had interest in it, of course, but not the interest to look for it. It seems every time I look for physical satisfaction I simply inherit a whole host of unsatisfactory bullshit and problems others can't wait to unload or punish someone for having.
This is not working for me.
I've gotten to the point where, I just lost all interest in sex, masturbation takes an hour to make me come and I simply get no satisfaction from it. I need a human's touch. I need to feel loved and wanted, not needed and appreciated.
I need unselfishness.
So, in this time of drought of the body, He comes into my mind.
No, not some deity, the He I spoke of in the first paragraphs. My doppelganger.
I can be driving and for no apparent reason I will get flashes of our time together--kissing, touching, looking into each other, seeing each other across the room, the silence we cherished screaming volumes. The time I lost a friend to a drunk driver and he didn't hesitate to pull me into a bear hug and hold onto me for half an hour as multiple other people tried to pull him away. The way he stood to hear every word of the conversation I had with a mutual friend about dating someone else (I should have listened, in that case...impetuous youth led to serious PTSD). The way he dropped his girlfriend's hand when he turned the corner at the base of the stairs to see me, backlit with sun, standing at the top.
The way he was always single as soon as I was. The way he was always single when he found out I was upset he wasn't.
He knows I loved him, I wrote a book and half of its poetry was about him...I never got to hear what he thought of it. He was amazing about it though.
Don't get me wrong, he was nowhere near perfect; he fucked half the city and paraded those girls in front of me to make me jealous. They generally disappeared after one night, being as he never called them back. He drank, he played games, he broke me up with a few people on purpose...he never called me, not once.
When I had facebook, he never answered my friend request--just left it hanging, not accepting or denying it. I followed him on twitter for a little while, but felt like a stalker myself...same with instagram. He takes great pictures, but I felt odd liking them when I haven't spoken to him in years. He lives about 65 blocks away from me now (about 10 min drive via interstate), with his best friend from high school.
I had a brief relationship with said best friend, and a short fling with him two years ago...until he decided he wasn't ready from his last breakup to start anything. At least the best friend apologized for it.
I know He just pops into my head because I've had some really bad relationships, and he was always the smile on my face to get me through or over them, past them, or around them. I know I'm lonely as hell right now, and I wish he were someone I could call, to hang out, chat, whatever...but our relationship has never been that sort. I don't know him anymore, superficially...he cut his hair, has a different job, different interests, different friends...but I doubt he's much different now than he used to be on the inside.
I don't even know what I would do, were I to run into him. I don't know if I would ignore him, hug him, be aloof, ecstatic, annoyed, sad, happy, or all of the above. Part of me wants to know why he disappeared the way he did, why he's shunned me from his life...but I understand my reasons for shunning him--it hurts too much to remember, even when they're the memories you cherish most. Perhaps that's his reason.
Part of me wants to know how he ever felt about me, if he ever wonders about me...and the rest of me doesn't want to know. The rest of me just wants some kind of closure, but that's bullshit too...I can't ever have it. It's like if I were to hear he was engaged.
My heart would completely break.
I don't know how long it would take me to get past that news.
And people would ask, how do you feel about it?
I'll tell you.
I'd say, "I'm glad he found someone to make him happy, to make him a better person, to share his life with, his joys, sorrows, fears, and goals with...someone to enhance him, because he deserves all of those things.
But am I glad he's engaged? No. I'm not. I can't be.
She isn't me."
Selfish? Sure. True? Absolutely.
I'm hoping putting this out of my head will put him out of my head for a while, at least long enough to stop the random crying fits that break out. Bipolar disorder is killing me slowly, he is killing me softly, and I'm not trying to prevent the death...I just want it to be a little less of a constant ache somewhere between my chest and my diaphragm.
I'm hoping some resolution is had, one way or another. Something has to change, because I can't keep changing and have this stay the same.
I wouldn't know who I was if that were the case.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is another me. A doppelganger, if you will, but not in the evil sense. He is more the male version of me, a quiet love I never quite got around to being in. We never really spoke, just sort of read each other...in bed, in person, to others--others being the biggest obstacle of all.
With him, there were a million chances, a million words never spoken that needed to be, a million years together that condensed, somehow, into only a few 365's that slowly tapered into oblivion. We had no official end, no official friendship, no official feelings...but we were never officially anything.
I loved him. I still love him.
This is the problem.
On an unrelated note, I haven't been in a relationship in over a year. The last person I dated was a friend from college, whom I knew for 14 years prior to our dating. Unfortunately, over those years, he descended into a state of alcoholism nearly impossible to understand. He is a great person, but that person has been living in the shadow of his mistakes for so long, he's now swimming in an ocean of booze with no interest in finding land. Our breakup was quite difficult, in the sense that he really cared about me--and i him--but couldn't sustain a real relationship with anyone due to the alcohol.
Someone once said dating someone with an addiction issue is a full-time job. They weren't lying...and I'm not looking to fix anyone else's problems.
Not that time. He wasn't the first alcoholic I've ever dated.
I began to look for different friends, after that breakup. In the process of doing so, I found someone profoundly damaged...someone whose reality had split a long time ago. This person began stalking me about 5 months ago. It continues to this day...and he lives about 100 ft away from me. I have to constantly be on the lookout for my safety, and have to call the police every time he talks to me since the restraining order is of no use in physical confrontation.
Between these two people, I have had no sex in over a year either. I've had interest in it, of course, but not the interest to look for it. It seems every time I look for physical satisfaction I simply inherit a whole host of unsatisfactory bullshit and problems others can't wait to unload or punish someone for having.
This is not working for me.
I've gotten to the point where, I just lost all interest in sex, masturbation takes an hour to make me come and I simply get no satisfaction from it. I need a human's touch. I need to feel loved and wanted, not needed and appreciated.
I need unselfishness.
So, in this time of drought of the body, He comes into my mind.
No, not some deity, the He I spoke of in the first paragraphs. My doppelganger.
I can be driving and for no apparent reason I will get flashes of our time together--kissing, touching, looking into each other, seeing each other across the room, the silence we cherished screaming volumes. The time I lost a friend to a drunk driver and he didn't hesitate to pull me into a bear hug and hold onto me for half an hour as multiple other people tried to pull him away. The way he stood to hear every word of the conversation I had with a mutual friend about dating someone else (I should have listened, in that case...impetuous youth led to serious PTSD). The way he dropped his girlfriend's hand when he turned the corner at the base of the stairs to see me, backlit with sun, standing at the top.
The way he was always single as soon as I was. The way he was always single when he found out I was upset he wasn't.
He knows I loved him, I wrote a book and half of its poetry was about him...I never got to hear what he thought of it. He was amazing about it though.
Don't get me wrong, he was nowhere near perfect; he fucked half the city and paraded those girls in front of me to make me jealous. They generally disappeared after one night, being as he never called them back. He drank, he played games, he broke me up with a few people on purpose...he never called me, not once.
When I had facebook, he never answered my friend request--just left it hanging, not accepting or denying it. I followed him on twitter for a little while, but felt like a stalker myself...same with instagram. He takes great pictures, but I felt odd liking them when I haven't spoken to him in years. He lives about 65 blocks away from me now (about 10 min drive via interstate), with his best friend from high school.
I had a brief relationship with said best friend, and a short fling with him two years ago...until he decided he wasn't ready from his last breakup to start anything. At least the best friend apologized for it.
I know He just pops into my head because I've had some really bad relationships, and he was always the smile on my face to get me through or over them, past them, or around them. I know I'm lonely as hell right now, and I wish he were someone I could call, to hang out, chat, whatever...but our relationship has never been that sort. I don't know him anymore, superficially...he cut his hair, has a different job, different interests, different friends...but I doubt he's much different now than he used to be on the inside.
I don't even know what I would do, were I to run into him. I don't know if I would ignore him, hug him, be aloof, ecstatic, annoyed, sad, happy, or all of the above. Part of me wants to know why he disappeared the way he did, why he's shunned me from his life...but I understand my reasons for shunning him--it hurts too much to remember, even when they're the memories you cherish most. Perhaps that's his reason.
Part of me wants to know how he ever felt about me, if he ever wonders about me...and the rest of me doesn't want to know. The rest of me just wants some kind of closure, but that's bullshit too...I can't ever have it. It's like if I were to hear he was engaged.
My heart would completely break.
I don't know how long it would take me to get past that news.
And people would ask, how do you feel about it?
I'll tell you.
I'd say, "I'm glad he found someone to make him happy, to make him a better person, to share his life with, his joys, sorrows, fears, and goals with...someone to enhance him, because he deserves all of those things.
But am I glad he's engaged? No. I'm not. I can't be.
She isn't me."
Selfish? Sure. True? Absolutely.
I'm hoping putting this out of my head will put him out of my head for a while, at least long enough to stop the random crying fits that break out. Bipolar disorder is killing me slowly, he is killing me softly, and I'm not trying to prevent the death...I just want it to be a little less of a constant ache somewhere between my chest and my diaphragm.
I'm hoping some resolution is had, one way or another. Something has to change, because I can't keep changing and have this stay the same.
I wouldn't know who I was if that were the case.
How Well Do You Know...
"The Haida call their island home Haida Gwaii, which means, literally, "Place (Islands) of the People," but there is an older name, and it translates, roughly, to "Islands Coming Out of (Supernatural) Concealment."
---John Vaillant, The Golden Spruce
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many of the people who will start off reading this blog are likely followers from my twitter account and my other blogs.
Hello!! Thanks for coming.
(that's what she said)
I've decided to do a little meet & greet, naked style, to avoid filling out those depressing facebook style boxes with my interests and favorite movies, etc.
I don't fit into my shirts very well...I can't imagine trying to fill out a box.
Where was I now? Oh yes. A bit about me. Narcissism 101: how much is too much information, and what qualifies?
Lol.
My name is not nakedlaughing. However, since the majority of the world knows me by this handle, that's what I'll be referred to in this blog (and likely elsewhere).
My personal privacy and that of those I interact with is very important to me, and I will acknowledge specifically when someone is being referred to by their real name (with exceptions like R. Dawkins, N. deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, or for quote attributes etc)...if there is no acknowledgement outside the obvious exceptions, the name/s have been changed, including my own.
I am a natural linguist; I enjoy words, debate, grammar, punctuation, etc...and I enjoy manipulating the way they are used and/or written.
For this blog, I'm writing in a fairly recognizable style, but due to the wide range of influences and my own personal preferences, I will likely write in all lowercase sometimes. I will also likely caption things using enigmatic language, and write in a non-structured format (as seen above). I was taught in school to go by the two finger rule (filthy! wait, not that one...) and usually have an extra space somewhere or other in my work. Deal with it, I had to reduce Pluto to a spheroid.
I read at least 5 books a week, sometimes more if I have the time. I try to mix up fiction & non-fiction and will from time to time post lists of recommended reading.
I have very eclectic reading tastes, and can't really define a preferred genre (nor author--there are simply too many amazing writers in too many genres to try!) but I'm generally interested in anything...interesting...so please feel free to recommend reading to me as well--there are many, many things I would love to know more about!
Outside of that, I'm a complicated person. Here's some random me:
-I enjoy using commas and ellipses, often with irritating frequency.
-I hate the cold but never wear shoes...I own about 80 pairs of flip flops/sandals/sandals with 6" heels. Because of this, I always have impeccably pedicured toes.
-I am militantly feminist. I'm also mostly friends with males, and I'm a tomboy with a pinup body. Irony.
-I am militantly atheist. I do not believe god/s exist in any way, shape, or form. I am superstitious. Irony.
(These two topics in particular will be expounded upon in future posts!)
-I am bipolar, suffering through relapsed PTSD. I'm actually very sensitive to and averse to medication from a lab, so this has been a fun ride (sarcasm). More will be discussed in this area as well.
-I've been a vegetarian since I was 11 years old, nearly 20 years now. My vegetarianism came about naturally, meaning I didn't have a taste for meat from a very young age. I have not eaten meat in a very long time, including bacon. Someone always asks about bacon. ;-P
-I am part Lakota. Fuck Thanksgiving.
-My name, nakedlaughing, comes from a line in a Bjork song. Bjork is my favorite female musician by far, and should you know what song it is from, I'll send you some gold stars.
-My cat is named Afro Samurai. He is an evil genius.
-I am an adept artist in many ways, between writing, drawing/painting, and singing. I refuse to post any original poetry or writing on this site or any other because of the T&C's, which I highly suggest you read.
That's enough for now, I think, although I'll leave you with this little tidbit:
These days, with a majority of people spending a majority of time indoors connected to electronics (in a non-porn shop way), many of us have forgotten how to actually connect. We forget how to talk when hashtags aren't available, how to be polite in conversation because there's no "wall" to write on, and how to rationally accept the ups and downs of life because there's no faceless way to bully someone in real life. This knowledge of how to connect on a fundamental level can be important when you meet someone--especially because having a radar for "crazy" is not born into all of us.
Unfortunately, I don't have the radar, so I've had to learn the hard way how to suss out crazy in people. One of the best ways to do this is to interact with them in real life, to see how they treat themselves, their pets, their homes, their children, and their friends. Talk to them, listen when they speak, and learn the way they think, the way they use logic, and their excuses and faults...knowing these things help us understand each other.
However, this can also lead to them bringing their crazy to your doorstep and setting up camp there. After having dealt with a level of insidious nuttery recently myself, here are my recommendations:
1. Make sure to clearly tell them you want nothing to do with them, to leave you alone, and then do not in any way react to anything they do to provoke you.
2. Keep records of what they do, who they're with when they do it, where, and how. This includes things that may seem innocuous, like them coming up to you in a parking lot with their 8 year old child after 4 months of being ignored and blocked and saying "hey! why can't you talk to me? my son wants to say hi, can't you be nice?" in a very "friendly" way (In this case, I smiled at the son, refused to acknowledge the father, and went inside).
3. Report them to the cops. There are very limited options in these cases, and the cops will recommend a restraining order/order of protection, but they are usually open to having a chat with the offender as well--often this is enough to get them to stop.
4. Carry police grade and/or bear mace, know how to use it, and don't be afraid. Turn the tables.
---John Vaillant, The Golden Spruce
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many of the people who will start off reading this blog are likely followers from my twitter account and my other blogs.
Hello!! Thanks for coming.
(that's what she said)
I've decided to do a little meet & greet, naked style, to avoid filling out those depressing facebook style boxes with my interests and favorite movies, etc.
I don't fit into my shirts very well...I can't imagine trying to fill out a box.
Where was I now? Oh yes. A bit about me. Narcissism 101: how much is too much information, and what qualifies?
Lol.
My name is not nakedlaughing. However, since the majority of the world knows me by this handle, that's what I'll be referred to in this blog (and likely elsewhere).
My personal privacy and that of those I interact with is very important to me, and I will acknowledge specifically when someone is being referred to by their real name (with exceptions like R. Dawkins, N. deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, or for quote attributes etc)...if there is no acknowledgement outside the obvious exceptions, the name/s have been changed, including my own.
I am a natural linguist; I enjoy words, debate, grammar, punctuation, etc...and I enjoy manipulating the way they are used and/or written.
For this blog, I'm writing in a fairly recognizable style, but due to the wide range of influences and my own personal preferences, I will likely write in all lowercase sometimes. I will also likely caption things using enigmatic language, and write in a non-structured format (as seen above). I was taught in school to go by the two finger rule (filthy! wait, not that one...) and usually have an extra space somewhere or other in my work. Deal with it, I had to reduce Pluto to a spheroid.
I read at least 5 books a week, sometimes more if I have the time. I try to mix up fiction & non-fiction and will from time to time post lists of recommended reading.
I have very eclectic reading tastes, and can't really define a preferred genre (nor author--there are simply too many amazing writers in too many genres to try!) but I'm generally interested in anything...interesting...so please feel free to recommend reading to me as well--there are many, many things I would love to know more about!
Outside of that, I'm a complicated person. Here's some random me:
-I enjoy using commas and ellipses, often with irritating frequency.
-I hate the cold but never wear shoes...I own about 80 pairs of flip flops/sandals/sandals with 6" heels. Because of this, I always have impeccably pedicured toes.
-I am militantly feminist. I'm also mostly friends with males, and I'm a tomboy with a pinup body. Irony.
-I am militantly atheist. I do not believe god/s exist in any way, shape, or form. I am superstitious. Irony.
(These two topics in particular will be expounded upon in future posts!)
-I am bipolar, suffering through relapsed PTSD. I'm actually very sensitive to and averse to medication from a lab, so this has been a fun ride (sarcasm). More will be discussed in this area as well.
-I've been a vegetarian since I was 11 years old, nearly 20 years now. My vegetarianism came about naturally, meaning I didn't have a taste for meat from a very young age. I have not eaten meat in a very long time, including bacon. Someone always asks about bacon. ;-P
-I am part Lakota. Fuck Thanksgiving.
-My name, nakedlaughing, comes from a line in a Bjork song. Bjork is my favorite female musician by far, and should you know what song it is from, I'll send you some gold stars.
-My cat is named Afro Samurai. He is an evil genius.
-I am an adept artist in many ways, between writing, drawing/painting, and singing. I refuse to post any original poetry or writing on this site or any other because of the T&C's, which I highly suggest you read.
That's enough for now, I think, although I'll leave you with this little tidbit:
These days, with a majority of people spending a majority of time indoors connected to electronics (in a non-porn shop way), many of us have forgotten how to actually connect. We forget how to talk when hashtags aren't available, how to be polite in conversation because there's no "wall" to write on, and how to rationally accept the ups and downs of life because there's no faceless way to bully someone in real life. This knowledge of how to connect on a fundamental level can be important when you meet someone--especially because having a radar for "crazy" is not born into all of us.
Unfortunately, I don't have the radar, so I've had to learn the hard way how to suss out crazy in people. One of the best ways to do this is to interact with them in real life, to see how they treat themselves, their pets, their homes, their children, and their friends. Talk to them, listen when they speak, and learn the way they think, the way they use logic, and their excuses and faults...knowing these things help us understand each other.
However, this can also lead to them bringing their crazy to your doorstep and setting up camp there. After having dealt with a level of insidious nuttery recently myself, here are my recommendations:
1. Make sure to clearly tell them you want nothing to do with them, to leave you alone, and then do not in any way react to anything they do to provoke you.
2. Keep records of what they do, who they're with when they do it, where, and how. This includes things that may seem innocuous, like them coming up to you in a parking lot with their 8 year old child after 4 months of being ignored and blocked and saying "hey! why can't you talk to me? my son wants to say hi, can't you be nice?" in a very "friendly" way (In this case, I smiled at the son, refused to acknowledge the father, and went inside).
3. Report them to the cops. There are very limited options in these cases, and the cops will recommend a restraining order/order of protection, but they are usually open to having a chat with the offender as well--often this is enough to get them to stop.
4. Carry police grade and/or bear mace, know how to use it, and don't be afraid. Turn the tables.
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